We're all on the lookout, what makes a little bit of playing unhealthy? Freud can go fuck his ego

He says..."When, exactly, does a relationship go from hot, sticky hooking up and dating casually, to full on, ZOMG <3's 4 Eva, boyfriend-girlfriend action? Ideally, after thee months of gauzy, dopey bliss you wake up together one day in a tangle of limbs, and one of you says, "Are you banging anyone else?" The answer is "no," the other asks the same question, and the answer is also "no." There's an awkward pause that turns into a silent, deadly serious giggle and then someone says, "Let's institutionalize this s**t." Then, WAFFLES!"

So in the mean time, She #1 says, "Love ‘em and leave ‘em sounds good, but “trophy sex” makes independent women who are confident in their sexuality seem award-winning in the sack."

But if you wonder and have doubts, She #2'll say, "I suspect that relationships in your earlier life - perhaps in childhood - have created a need in you to validate your power to attract someone. Then you abandon him. Perhaps disallowing intimacy is how your psyche tries to protect itself; by providing you with an ego-boost, and warding off a possible repeat of earlier humiliation."






I say that before you get to where He says, there's nothing wrong with what She (1) says as long as you don't compromise your standards both physically and emotionally.

Tis tis.

Tis the season to be Jolly.
When one is happily enjoying company.
Tis the season to be outwardly.
When couples are excitingly debating fiercely.
Her name is *abbie.
A friend that I hold dearly.
She talks to one we know she knows intimately.
It is now the dawn of two and fifty.
The outcome of the dialogue is yet marked clearly.
But that is why the season is one we remember to be.

There's something about us.

It may not be the right time.
I may not be the right one.
But there's something about us I want to say.
Cuz there's something between us anyway.
I may not be the right one.
It may not be the right time.
But there's something about us I've got to do.
Some kind of secret I will share with you.
I need you more than anything in my life.
I want you more than anything in my life.
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life.
I love you more than anyone in my life.


It may just be the right time.
You may just be the right one.
But there's something about that that just ain't right.
Cuz there's gotta be a threat in life to keep me up at night.
You may just be the right one.
It may just be the right time.
But there's something about that that should be done.
Some kind of announcement forwarded to the one.
I want to need you more than anything in my life.
I need to want you more than anything in my life.
I want to miss you more than anyone in my life.
I need to love you more than anyone in my life.
So you can always be the right one at the right time.

The worse part about first year teaching: where's my positive reinforcement?

I only had four students today. But yet at the end of the day, I still get gushes of fluid flooding up from the stomach to the tear glands. Then thinking back to my interaction with my students I realized that for better or worse I am still human just like them. They have me giving them positive and negative reinforcement. But where's mine at the end of the day? Feedback is nearly none-existence for a first year teacher. Yes I can feel great about myself when they get a great score on their test. But so far the only feedback I get back from the tests are that most of them are failing. Perhaps that's a sign that they are receiving poor instruction. But the pathetic me is now left feeling even better before I started writing. I love my job.

Where am I now?

Dear America,

Yes I know I've neglected you once again. But I thought I had made it clear that this relationship isn't based on fairness nor equality. You are my channel of desperation. I turn to you when little things like the song Susan说 reminds me that you may still be there for me. Despite the fact that this is a selfish relationship, I still hope that you are doing well yourself. Anyways, now getting to the heart of this post: I'm lost just when I thought I was found.

I've been teaching for 12 weeks now. Saturdays are escape days. Fridays are amusing student stories over happy hour day, scrambling to find company to go out day, and falling asleep to a single beer while waiting to go out day. Mondays are after I make it through today the week will fly day. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are unpredictable. Thursdays are I'm going to try really hard or not so hard because it's almost over. Fridays are quiz days where I try to fill spare time with work because the kids did not deserve free time. Then on the first day of the week, I painfully try to increase (with failure) my effectiveness. The most enjoyable part is to repeat the same chaotic routine over again because I don't have the courage to swim. And I wonder why the creature of habit inside of me screams at the crack of dawn. I think a friend of mine said it best last night: "I've lost all sense of time and space because it feels like I've been doing this for years even though..." Why does it feel that way? Because my Program Director says I have no idea what my big goal is. I feel lost when I thought I had a routine figured out because the students are not learning enough through that routine. I don't even know since I don't know my end goal.

I want to say that I miss the good old days, but I know you'll tell me where's the fun in staying in one place. So because I know you'll tell me so, I will get up eight times when I fall seven. I love you.

我趴呀再趴但总发觉我还在原点。The Big Goal is too Encompassing.

Dear America,

I'm currently working for you at the Teach For America summer boot camp. I can't say that I hate it. But I also can't say that I'm at the highest point of my life. So I crawl and crawl but find that I am still in the vicinity of Teach For America's Big Goal they have set out for me. I, as an individual, have forgotten why I'm here. How could I keep track when they have it all planned out for me? But no worries, they'll remind me of why I'm here: student achievement. Thank you Teach For America.

Okay, so now that I have the not-so-bright aspect of my feelings down on paper, let me move on to some more rational thoughts. While I feel as though I'm being brain washed at times, I do think Teach For America have a pluralistic end in mind: that is giving every children more opportunities to decide how they want to contribute to you. My personal values and principles are align with their core values: integrity, humility and respect, and... So as long as I can make it pass boot camp and take away as much as they can offer in five weeks, I will be able to offer to you my complete self again. I can't wait. Actually I already can't wait till Monday when I start teaching a summer class full of our future's cutest.

Cheers,

ChenRu

I rarely have soy sauce for breakfast, but I have it everyday in FuZhou, China

Dear America*,

I've been in FuZhou, China for about four or five days. Among having soy sauce every morning with soy milk, baozi, and fried long bread, I thought I share with you some points of interest that may spark curiosity. No worries, I wont comment on the earthquake this round. I don't know enough to make any critical claims. Except I suspect that the large number of causalities may be related to the poor building construction in SiChuang.

Mosquitos
I counted at least twenty mosquito bites on my arms from the first two nights in my village. However after two days I realized that some new bites dissipate shortly afterwards, unlike the old bites. Also, the old bites were dramatically larger! Can you see them in the picture?

Fashion
For Her: Similar to the western world, bangs are in this year (even for boys). But unlike the western world, crazy curly hair is the hot shit in FuZhou, China (and perhaps elsewhere in China).

Fruity pastel colors are specially popular this year. Imagine baby blue, yellow and pink! As always, non sensical English lettering is so incredibly cool. I told my personal clothing shopper (yes, store attendants constantly follow you) that Americans would laugh at "Fancy Fashion Princess." She thinks I just haven't been exposed to the fashion in FuZhou. What do you say?

For Him: Crazy large hair is no longer in. However uneven middle length hair is the shit.

Pink and girly colors are always in. Just like the girls, ripped and raggedy jeans are soooooooooo hot!

I must say that Fuzhounese boys are too conventionally skinny and feminine to be manly appealing. On top of fruity hair and clothing, I don't understand how they exude an ability to protect their women and provide for the young. From an evolutionary point of view, their fashion behavior is troubling no?

Funeral Tradition
I don't know if you know about Fuzhounese funeral traditions. Among various other practices, it's customary to invite friends, family and neighbors to 喝酒（drink alcohol literally. Commemorating eating festival is what it is.) just as Fuzhounese would for a wedding. My Grandma was invited to one commemorating the death of her neighbor. She asked me to go thinking that I haven't been to one before but, in fact they haven't change very much. The last one I went to was when my Grandma and Great Grandma on the paternal side passed away simultaneously in 2000.

Anyways, the reason why I think this practice is interesting is because it has been for years, an intuitively contradictory practice to me. Why would people celebrate the death of someone significant? But I'm slowly accepting it emotionally because it makes sense intellectually. Eating serves as a social mechanism that brings people together. Thus this practice is just a way of gathering people who knew the dead to commemorate his or her life. But I still don't understand why the eating festival is followed by a sexy bikini performance.